I recently had a real dream come true experience when my husband and I visited Iceland. The country is gorgeous – full of awe-inspiring sights like volcanos and geysers and massive waterfalls. I loved it all, especially our last night in Reykjavik out drinking with a crew of friendly locals – Shout out to Andre, the poet and Páll, the fisherman! I was drunk and high and everything was beautiful… even the northern lights came out that night.
Ok, so you can’t actually see the northern lights in this photo because - whiskey and Brennivin, but they were out there, I promise!
Admittedly, I was somewhat queasy and hungover the next morning, but of course, I still made a visit to the Icelandic Phallological Museum. How could Miss Penis pass up the opportunity? The museum bills itself as the “world’s oldest genuine penis museum” – it’s also said to be the only penis museum.
The story of this decidedly unique institution began in 1974 when museum founder, Sigurður Hjartarson received a whip made from a bull pizzle (that's a bull dick). It was given as a joke, but the joke caught on and soon Hjartarson was getting penis gifts from the local whalers. Over time, his collection grew so big he had to move it all out of his house. So, he started a museum! At some point along the way, Hjartarson was inspired to build his collection to include samples from all the Icelandic mammal fauna – all of the mammals on and around the entire country. Talk about BDE, right?
But that’s exactly what he did – although it took him 15 years to achieve his most difficult and final acquisition – a human penis. Back in the 90’s, donor Páll Arason gifted his penis to the museum, but he wouldn’t die until 2011 – at 95. So, now you can go to the museum and see Mr. Arason’s really, very ugly 95 year old dick (and I like dicks) floating in a jar of formaldehyde.
And it doesn’t stop there. The collection includes plenty of other really, very ugly dicks like that of the blue whale measuring in at 67” long (don’t be self-conscious!) and the hamster at 0.08” (you’re welcome). There’s a sculptural rendering of a Nordic Troll’s penis I found quite repulsive (Apparently, trolls don’t manscape). And the museum also displays crafts made from actual animal junk. Fascinating and also kinda yucky.
But then! Deep in the center of the museum there’s a small room full of amazing plaster casts. Back in the anything-goes days of rock’n’roll, Cynthia “plaster caster” Albritton had the brilliant idea to cast the dicks of popular musicians. All the casts are alabaster white, but they have a surprising level of detail. Albritton handled the dicks of many stars, but the standout cast in the collection belongs to Jimi Hendrix. I admit, it made me blush 😳… and it was my favorite penis in the whole museum. 😍 Unfortunately, I didn’t get a decent shot. 😭
All-in-all, the Icelandic Phallological Museum was funny and gross and interesting - all at the same time. They say it’s the most visited museum in Iceland and I’d definitely recommend it – just maybe not on a queasy, hungover morning. But don't miss out on Iceland - it's amazing. Just go!
I give the penis museum two erect thumbs.
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